i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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