they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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