At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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