the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
