So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
