it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
