This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
