I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
