My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
