OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
being pregnant is like rehab
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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