that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
