I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
