Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
