My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
