Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
