whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
