i need an iv and a liver transplant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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