I heard we made out
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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