3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
