We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
