well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
