RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
