Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
