i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
