You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
