Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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