The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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