booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
