That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
