There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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