he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
