I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
