Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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