wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Randomize
