Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
