So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
