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All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
