My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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