Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
