i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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