dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I stole a fireplace last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
