By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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