Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
