It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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