Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
too bad you live with your parents still
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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