You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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