the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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