Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
