Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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