I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
