I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
