Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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