I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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