shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
