Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
