I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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