I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
