My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
