I am puke
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
