I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
