That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
