So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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